goddaughters are the coolest

So my plan to get back at it and blog like a maniac – not so much then, yeah? The sounds of crickets would be deafening if there were any ears here to hear it.

Spectacular, I’ll just continue on eating bits of roasted coconut and thinking about dinner...

For anyone still here though it’s worth mentioning that a lot has been going on here lately and that would mostly explain my absence in this space.

Most notably, and continuing the train of thought from my last post, there is this tiny new human on planet earth called Ramona.

She’s like the best pound of sugar ever and when she’s all wrapped up in a blanket she’s like a noisy little burrito that smells like a warm summer day.

Of course she was far less impressed with me the first time we met but I won’t hold it against her. It must be something about the girls in this family of ours… Olivia was a little “take it or leave it” with me upon first impressions too (bears mentioning however that Jack and Tristen seemed to have no issue with me so this just leads me to believe I’m destined to be a boy mom someday which I am so totally happy with).

She soon warmed up to me though and by our second meeting she slept all snuggly like on my chest for the entire day. I'm not sure which one of us was happier about that. Actually, Maria might have been happiest about that because for the first time in a month neither she nor Chris had a baby attached to them and they could focus on being all cute and snuggly with each other. Win win win. 

As for me though, I was just happy to be there and rest in the complete awe of the tiny little person in my arms.

This little soul who was so prayed for so long before she was even an earthly spark. 

And it is amazing to me when I stop and think about it too intensely and really let it all sink in...

A couple of years ago, and I'll remember this forever, I sat across the table from Maria over a not-quite-meal of tortilla chips and salsa while we waited for whatever sizzling plate it was we had ordered. The two of us along with Ashley (and in between wicked bouts of missing Laura who was now far away in Montana) were playing catch up from the past few months and wondering how we could live in the same city and not manage to make time to be together.

That was when Maria told us, so many months after the fact, about how close she had come to not being there to sit with us and talk with us and eat chips with us long after the bowl of salsa had run out...

And I remember the look on her face when she registered the look on mine - the immediate turn of the tables with her sweet and humble heart instantly concerned for the sister who was now the one hurting...

And then I cried. 

Because the thought of losing my Maria was too much. And the thought of her feeling like no one needed her was so lost on me because there I was, right there, needing my friend at that very moment, and every moment, even when she wasn't but two feet away from me. 

Then to fast forward to this new moment.

With her watching me now as I held her tiny daughter for the first time.

This was what God had been working on.

...Oh boy, that got heavy and a little lost in thought there... But that's about the gist of it. From one extreme to the other, I watched my sister go from questioning her own existence to bringing a whole new life into existence.

And that is just one side of the story of how Ramona Charlie got here.

And now she is three months old and I continue to be completely unable to get over it.

I suspect this will be the case for the rest of her life.

I'm ok with that.

dean + robin

(below is the toast I was asked to give at Dean and Robin's wedding on November 1, 2014... I'm still almost crying)

I can't promise how far into this I'm gonna get before I lose it, but I'm pretty sure that's half the reason you asked me to do this in the first place so I hope one of you had money riding on it because otherwise this is a total waste. 

Anyway... When I first found myself falling in with this group of goofballs from Indiana, these hell-bent angels with luck on their side, I was given brief descriptions of everyone I'd soon meet. And among those things was the first thing I heard about Dean.

 I was told that he was the ugliest sonofabitch I'd ever meet.

And let's be honest... That wasn't too far off. 

But that sparkling introduction aside, what I didn't know was that I was actually hearing the first description of a guy who'd end up being one of my best friends in this world. 

Dean and I kept in touch and along with some gross abuse of the us postal service, we would text pretty often about important things like what we wanted on our tombstones (for the record, even in death, Dean will meet you at didiers).

But one night he started texting me about this girl he'd met. There were expletives and exclamation points and lots of capitalization. And then I remember when the text came through...

"We've got the same Lawrence Arms tattoo."

And I just remember thinking, "Oh dude, that's your girl."

And then another text came... "SHE'S A WHISKEY GIRL!" 

And I thought, "Oh damn, that's my girl."

And once again, what I didn't realize was that I was hearing the first description of another one of my best friends. 

You don't get a lot of chances in life to see a love story from the very beginning, but with Dean and Robin I've had the honor of seeing it unfold from the start, even from 2000 miles away. 

You guys, this day and the people here are a testament to you both, and what you friendships mean to all of us. I can only speak for myself, but I know it echoes from everyone here:

If we know one thing about you, it's that you're there for us. For so many of us here you have stood alongside in the greatest joys and been the ones to climb down into the pits with us for the most crushing lows. And you haven't dared leave us until we all climbed out together. 

And getting to be here with you on your wedding day now? 

This is the honor of a lifetime. 

So here's to Dean and Robin. 

For everyone else who's doing it wrong, you guys are doing it exactly right.