sigh no more

Feeling simultaneously that you've had the air taken from your lungs and in return been crushed by a weight heavier than any element yet discovered, I've spent nearly two weeks somewhere between hapless flailing and utter defeat. But to that end, I've been finding solace in a number of things...

My family for one. Somehow always keeping the phone near them when I need the lifeline the most, offering the kind and gentle words they've been whispering in my ear from the day I was born. There is without doubt more constant love in the universe than can ever be imagined and for the last two weeks, I've been blessed to be the recipient of theirs. Well, the last two weeks and the last twenty-four years.

My friends for another. From Brigette's white chocolate cranberry cookies in the mail (which always made things seem less difficult in college - except trimming one's waistline) and ability to make me smile from the other end of the west coast, to Blake's never ending shoulder to cry on as he talks me off yet another ledge (via video chat) and listens to every concern I have, to Laura and Maria enveloping me with hugs and understanding just when I need them. Not to mention Mike's touching words and continual bucking-up from across the country and Dean & Robin offering not only microbrew love, but the love of unconditional friends when you need it most.

My God, most importantly. Yesterday I made some reference to Him and a friend of mine said she didn't believe in God. She believes in something, prays to something, but she's not ready to call it God. I told her He was pretty much what was getting me through this. "Good for you," she said with complete sincerity. She seemed genuinely happy for me, knowing that I had my faith to hold me up (or catch me when I fall, depending on what end of the up-and-down I'm on). Much as I want to stamp my feet around, blaming Him unfairly for what He's done to my life, I must realign myself and understand that it's actually what He's doing for my life that I should be focusing on. He knows my heart and the heart of another in particular. I do not doubt. Only hope. And pray.

And last, but never least, my gospel. By which I mean my music.

The Avett Brothers, Sundowner, Chuck Ragan, Matt Pryor, Frank Turner and... Mumford & Sons, of course, as the title of this post would suggest. These people have been the unwitting participants in my inadvertent therapy (there are no royalties to be collected for this).

The song above (along with most every song I listen to) has been played to my ear with a new tune. A new vantage point. There is meaning where you look for it and whether or not I was looking for something and found it, or it was the other way around, the words of the song have breathed new life and mean more to me than ever before. God speaks to us. We often hear it, but rarely do we listen.

I'm working on listening.

"Sigh No More" by Mumford & Sons


Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me

But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love, it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be.