▲ new year's eve ▲

last year

While my plans for a proper 2012 roundup have yet to be fulfilled (though not entirely ruled out - stay tuned), I wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year!

I'm scarfing down some sushi before I head over to Frankie and Matty's, four bottles of sparkling in tow.

Have fun and be safe this New Year!

Thank you all for being wonderful - truly. 

You are all incredible and I wish you all the best in 2013! 

an open letter to my mountain

Dear Mount Hood,

I like you.

A lot. 

Love,

Lauren

weekly gratitude | christmas edition

thank you for a whole bunch of happy feet on christmas eve

This one is going to be sweet and to the point - 

I am just incredibly, remarkably, overwhelmingly, indescribably and unwaveringly grateful for Christmas. And what it truly means. 

As the day moved from early afternoon in the kitchen (to the sounds White Christmas and Jared & Shamoo busily cleaning the apartment in preparation for everyone's arrival) to the hustle and din of a houseful of people, I would stop every few minutes to just soak it all in. 

This. 

All of this made possible because a long, long time ago, a young woman named Mary gave birth to a sweet baby boy. All this because the bravery of a faithful woman brought forth the life that was the promise of our salvation. Because He was born, because He lived and died and rose again - that is why I found myself, millenniums later, in a probably-too-small-apartment with a handful-and-a-half of some of the most important people in my life, drinking champagne, eating too many Scotch eggs, and playing probably the most irreverent game of Cards Against Humanity known to man.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you for coming to the world that so desperately needed you and igniting the light so that we might shine for all these thousands of years after you first came down. 

And thank you Mary, for raising this son for us.

I wonder sometimes, was she sad at all that night? Did she look at this beautiful new son in her arms and fear for Him? Cry, knowing why He came and what He would have to do?

Or did she simply smile at His sweet little baby face, knowing He was hers?

I like remembering that on this night, Jesus was just a baby. A tiny newborn, beginning just as any of us did. While He never stopped being all God, He was all human. He was born the same as every man before and after him, arriving no more extravagantly than the humblest among us (though yes, that whole immaculate conception thing is pretty impressive, I grant you that).

You know that song "Little Drummer Boy"? My favorite part is the image of that little boy meeting Jesus there in the manger - not looking at this tiny new person as the incarnate deity but just as another little boy, and doing the only thing he could think of to make him smile.

He wasn't trying to impress a King. He wasn't trying to win some eternal favor with the Creator of the Universe. 

He just made the baby smile by doing what he would do for anyone - played his little heart out because that's what he loved and that's just what he did!

What would it look like if we all thought of Jesus that way? What if we stopped trying to impress Him and "win him over" or earn some sort of grace points with Him because He's God, and just did what we were born to do and make Him smile?

It might be something worth thinking about.

And so with that, another year of Weekly Gratitude comes to a close. Another year of counting my blessings and trying my darndest to acknowledge the One who makes it all possible. 

 Thank You.

merry, bright & a deja vu

While the evidence of Christmas Eve is still percolating in Photoshop, here are some iPhone favorites from Christmas Day. 

Jared, Shamoo and I spent all afternoon cuddled up in comforters on the couch watching Christmas movies (Elf, Home Alone 2 and Love Actually... Followed by two old UFC fights - go Junior Dos Santos! Also, I think I love you) and eating leftover tamales.

When we were taking these though something seemed awfully familiar, so I rummaged through some old photos and found exactly what I was looking for... A photo of Jared, Brigette and me from 2009.

Almost the same, just swapping out a best friend and trading places. 

Makes me so happy. I can hardly stand it. 

(( joyful, all ye nations rise, join the triumph of the skies ))

Part of me wanted to write a long, heartfelt post about Christmas and what it means for us but then decided against it.

Because in a couple of hours I am heading over to Jared and Shamoo's to spend this holiday with a wayward gaggle of people I love. And aside from having a few more things that need some cookin', I want to just take it easy and dwell in the splendor of these holy nights. 

This is the first Christmas in my life I am not at home with my family. It is at once almost too weird to fathom but still exciting because I'm starting a whole new memory book, all new traditions for the new chapters of this story He's writing with me. 

So to my family, I miss you all deeply (and we will have to have a Christmas Redo when I'm home next month!) and wish there was a way to be in two places at once. But truly, thank you for understanding why it was so important for me to be here in Portland this year. 

Grace + Peace to everyone, no matter how you celebrate this season. 

And now - because who can say it better - the true meaning of Christmas.

Happy Christmas, friends.

∆∆∆ we live in the flicker tonight ∆∆∆

Friday night was a big night.

After the party started to subdue itself a bit (or when we realized how late it was getting) Jared and I cut out from the restaurant in Newberg and returned north to Portland to meet up with The Camaraderie. 

Sadly, this meant a quick change out of our fancy clothes, but let's face it - much as I love getting dressed up, throwing on jeans and Fryes feels pretty good. So we suited down and rushed off to The Hawthorne for... Wait for it...

(I may be watching too much How I Met Your Mother) 

Sundowner

Back when I first met the original Indy Kid, one of the first things he did was teach me what good music was. The first three CDs he burned me were:

Chuck Ragan - Feast or Famine

Tim Barry - Rivanna Junction

Sundowner - Four One Five Two

And now, four years later, we've seen all of those guys live right here in Portland.

And better yet, I've shared those shows not just with him, but with the people who have populated every story and every experience that music has been the soundtrack to.

All these nights, all these shows, all these memories I have of us  - these are those days you guys. 

These are those days and nights that create the lives we look back on and smile. The nights spent in grubby theaters, cold beers in our hands, brothers and sisters in our arms... My God. Could it be that I am actually this lucky?

No.

Because there's no such thing as luck here. 

I am not lucky.

Oh, but I am so blessed.

I'm not sure I'll remember everything about that night forever. 

I may not always remember what kind of beer we drank (PBR, Rainier and Olympia), there's a good chance I won't remember exactly what Dean said that made us all want to slap him (it won't really matter, you just kinda always want to slap the guy for some reason), and even now, just days later, I probably couldn't tell you the full setlist.

But here's what I will definitely remember:

How happy I was. 

How truly, purely happy I was to be there with some of the people I love most in the world, wrapped in each other's arms, howling our favorite songs into the rafters of yet another old theater in the city we call home.

Oh, yes. We are lucky blessed.

// My favorite part of this is not hearing this song straight from Chris McCaughan's lips, but hearing it screaming from the mouths of the people I have sung with for four years - loud and perfectly off-key \\

wine + a complete lack of shame = a pretty good holiday party

I've known for a while that Jodi and I are kindred spirits, but Friday night proved it to me all over again. 

Maybe it's because we look similar, maybe it's because we're both Virgos, maybe it's because... Well wait, let me back up to when I picked up Jared (still my go-to date because hey, he puts up with me and damn, we clean up good)...

So this night will go down in history if for no other reason than for the first time in four years I was ready to go before Jared.

I know.

That has never happened before.

Don't get me wrong, I can take a 5 minute shower and be out the door in half hour when need be (pretty sure I once met Nathan for dinner with only about 20 minutes between a text that read "I'm just getting into my car at the vanpool lot now" and hopping in said car after a shower, make-up and halfway-blowdry of my hair - that was a personal record) but normally he's a quick-change artist and I'm tripping over a pile of laundry on the floor into my walk-in closet that earns its name only in the sense that I can technically walk into it and stand there, but not much more. 

Which brings me to where I was going with this: 

Once we got back to our usual equilibrium (meaning he got out of the shower, I made at least one mildly inappropriate joke, and he asked me to inspect his outfit) and out the door, it was but a gentle decline down a little hill from the parking lot to my parallel park by the curb.

"Don't fall, don't fall,  DON'T FALL." Jared warned.

Pfft. Like he knows me or something. 

Now that alone wasn't the amusing part (and to my credit, I hadn't fallen in a rather long while - at least until Sunday at work when I literally managed to almost fall down while standing still).

What was funny/friendship affirming was that when Jodi and Scott were getting out of my car at the holiday party, Jodi managed to somehow roll her foot and nearly faceplant onto the asphalt. 

"Don't fall. What happened? Did you fall?" Scott asks.

DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW US, MEN! 

Aside from personal near-disasters, the night was wonderful. We drank incredible wine, ate insane food, everyone managed to keep undergarments (long story there, only halfway inappropriate... actually, no it's not a long story) in place and to my knowledge, only one death threat was administered.

we're both really good at ruining pictures

cheers!

oh, then Scott drank his and Jodi's wine all at once

and Don & Wendy just laughed and laughed and laughed

Janna's husband Mark summed up the evening perfectly:

"I get why you're all friends - none of you have any shame."

Nope.

And actually, that's why we're family.

weekly gratitude - newtown edition

______

Is there anything left to be thankful for?

It seems the list has all but evaporated in so many ways.

People are hurting. All over the world, in Newtown, in Clackamas... I've spent a lot of time thinking things like "What is wrong with people? What is happening to the world?"

I know people who were at the Clackamas Town Center just hours before the shooting. 

My uncle went to school at Sandy Hook Elementary. 

But you know what? Without disregarding the evil that has touched down so close to home, we must - we must - praise the light that has flickered into a blaze out of this horrific darkness. 

Robbie Parker is a man who has faced a parent's worst nightmare.

This man has lost his daughter, six year old Emilie. But this man, among the others who have not and will not go unnoticed or be forgotten, has emerged as a hero in this tragedy. He has stood out as someone who is shaken, bent and beaten

but not broken.

Robbie Parker is grace.

His daughter is gone and his suffering unimaginable, but he is radiating a peace that defies all understanding:

"Let [this be] something that inspires us to be better, to be more compassionate and more humble people."

And to the other families hurting, directly including the Lanza family, he said this:

"I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you. And I want you to know that our family, and our love, and our support goes out to you as well."

And the most humbling, truly loving, and most grace-filled thing this man could offer:

"I'm not mad.... If there's anything I can do to help anybody at anytime anywhere, I'm willing to do that."

That? 

That is what grace can do. 

God - you are up to something. 

I don't understand why You allow these things to happen all over the world and all the time, not just when it makes national news, but I have to trust that there is something in that bigger picture of Yours that I cannot see. My viewfinder is a mere fraction of a pinhole compared to what You see. 

But through that I see that love and forgiveness are always possible.

My gratitude for the capacity for grace that You have given people like Robbie Parker allows that promise of Yours to endure. You promised us that our trespasses are forgiven as we forgive those who trespass against us. 

This man and his wife have had their lives trespassed upon. His baby girl's life has been taken. His two surviving daughters have had their innocence violated.

And he has humbled himself to show forgiveness with a peace that makes no sense at all.

Because that is how you love people.

Unconditionally.

Without reason.

Because that is how we are loved. 

And I know God is smiling on Robbie Parker. The enemy has struck him with a true deathblow and he has turned the other cheek. 

"Well done good and faithful servant."

And I believe that God is holding those twenty precious babies in His mighty hands, cradling them close and covering them with a love I can't even comprehend. How amazing is that? 

So tonight I am grateful for people like Robbie Parker for proving that forgiveness is greater.

________

Please do not let these events turn your hearts to hate and revenge. 

Let this instead urge us toward the love this world so desperately needs.

Grace + Peace to you.

newtown, connecticut

They are calling it the deadliest elementary school shooting in American history.

Newtown, Connecticut - my mother's hometown. 

A place I have visited more times than I can count. Each time more bucolic and heartwarming than the last. The people more jovial and welcoming than you can imagine.

Everyone knows everyone, everyone looks out for each other.

This little town - now famous for all the wrong reasons. 

Please, please pray for Newtown.

(( we have not heard if any of my mom's friends - many of whom are teachers and/or have grandchildren in schools there - have been affected by this but I will update as we find out more ))

**update: my mom's best friend was good friends with the principal who lost her life today - pray for the people left behind in the wake of this horror**

hi dad soup & a message from bob goff

Sorry I've been AWOL around here.

Dad's in town so we've been eating and drinking our way through Portland and it's surrounding townships.

We're pretty good at life.

I'll be back at it here soon but until then...

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you know that Bob Goff spoke at church on Sunday.

Ya'll...

Have you heard this guy?

I think I still have goosbumps and a smile on my face.

He's amazing and if you want to be floored, watch this for a few minutes (or the whole thing, which I'd recommend, it's hysterical!) and think about things.

 More people need to love like this. Need to live like this.

Love God. Love people. Do stuff.

Love does from Solid Rock | A Jesus Church on Vimeo.

xmas home tour

check out that photo print on the bottom from Kate at Daffodil's!

___________

I might have gone a little nuts this year... 

I might have gone a little nuts every year in recent history...

Or, I might have Buddy the Elf locked in my closet.

(obviously I'm kidding on that last one... there's no lock on my closet)

But more importantly, this is by far my favorite decoration of the apartment ever. In the past I've gone as gaudy as possible with no theme beyond "CHRISTMAAAAAAAS!!! SAAAANTAAAAA!!! I KNOW HIM!!! I KNOW HIM!!!"

But this year brought about a new look, based almost entirely on my recent obsession with neutrals and naturals. So I divvied up my ornaments and garland, narrowing it down to the silver and gold and then... Let loose.

I swapped out any of the red and green ribbon I had strung through ornaments for some burlap twine (also threw some of that on my mini tree as "garland") and, not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but I kinda went on a spree at the dollar store. 

SO MANY ORNAMENTS.

Which I then proceeded to hang from my (low-clearance) vaulted ceilings - effectively lowering the headspace in my apartment by anywhere from 2-6 inches.

Sorry Shamoo. You ain't comin' over any time soon.

Oh! And my favorite part!

I went on a little walkabout in my yard to pick up some pinecones and pine sprigs.

But who needs sprigs when you can get boughs? 

This was when my intended harvest of a few small branches turned into me using a pair of scissors to saw off a few small limbs. 

Eh. Worth it.

glittered sprigs from Michael's are my favorite

made a simple garland with clothespins and tiny twigs - easy to swap out as the pine needles shed

dolled up two of my prints from Clare at Tastes Orangey

thumbtack wreath - staying up ALL year!

tiny tabletop tree and even tinier mini wreaths hanging from twine

my favorite little pinecones!

more twigs strung on burlap twine - might keep this up for a while, too

frank likes getting snazzed up too

not bad for 500 square feet

advent calendar from Naptime Diaries!

front door with my print from Brigette on the left!

the nephews got festive, too

mini wreath made from some sort of evergreen (I don't know, it's the northwest, we gots lots o' pines)

the little hanging wreaths on the right are so cute I kinda want to name them all

Would it be so wrong to leave this all up year-round?

Maybe just until Valentine's Day?

Amen?

Amen.