working out: how I really feel about it

You know how people love to say they have a "love/hate" relationship with working out?

Like, "I hate working out, but I love the way it makes me feel/the results/being good to my body!"

That kind of thing?

Well then allow me to introduce you to the only side of me that is entirely, completely, 100% negative...

I hate working out.

HATE IT.

The fieriest pit in the deepest circle of hell could not match the flaming hatred I have for going to the gym.

"But don't you just feel so good after?"

NO.

No, I don't. Because I've just spent an hour of my time I would have rather been doing anything else on the planet thinking about how hot and sweaty and uncomfortable I am.

(( as a sidenote, these are also the same reasons I hate laying out and tanning - aside from that whole skin cancer thing - I don't like being hot and sweaty... Which is also why, though I actually love hiking, I prefer to do it in early spring, autumn or winter when the temp peaks out at around 60 degrees ))

(( I should also mention here that it's not that I hate exercising... I love walking for miles around the city, adore hiking through the Columbia River Gorge and crawling through streams and waterfalls... Basically if I'm exercising, I can't know I'm doing it - I need to go into a situation thinking it's an adventure then realize after the fact that we just hiked 8 miles through a national forest ))

But seriously. I've tried to "learn to love it". I have. I've been on kicks before where I was at the gym 5-6 days a week, totally into the routine of it and still abhorred every millisecond of it. 

GUYS! YOU KNOW ME! I AM OBNOXIOUSLY POSITIVE - I ANNOY MYSELF SOMETIMES WITH SILVER-LINING-FINDING! 

But with working out I cannot find a good angle. I detest it. 

And the only "good" thing I get out of it is a slightly reduced guilt for the large quantities of cheese I refuse to cut from my diet. 

//

All that being said, I would love to love it. I would love to enjoy it. 

Hell, I would love to just kinda, sorta like it even a little.

It's not about motivation or finding the right class... This is a mindset thing.

I think I need something more...

Anyone know a good hypnotist?

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**UPDATE**

I've gotten a few comments regarding classes, clubs and making it fun... And while I totally appreciate the thought (truly, I know ya'll are trying to help and it's not unappreciated!), that's an even bigger nightmare. 

Classes or clubs are the last thing I would ever want to do because a) not only do I hate working out in front of other people - the gym is bad enough but, b) when I have worked out in group environments before and I see the people doing better than me, it doesn't motivate me to work harder and strive for that level of greatness, it just discourages me more. It's a pretty vicious cycle.

I would love to be able to run (because I could be alone) but even when I was running track in high school (yeah, wrap your head around that one, I was terrible at it - which my coach often, and with no delicacy, reminded me of - but I did it anyway!) I never built any stamina. I was running every. single. day. and was never able to run more than two laps around the track... And slowly, at that. It was nice to see weight drop off of me, so it wasn't like I wasn't seeing results, but stamina? Non-existent. So that pretty much put me off that.

Like I said - I am 100% negative when it comes to this subject. 

I make almost no apologies for this.

But I'll work on it.