180° South

Jared, Shamoo and I watched this tonight and it was amazing. There are still so many places on this earth that are wild and free and this is one of them. I now want to go to Patagonia. And Jared... Well, Jared wants Shamoo to buy a boat so they can sail down the west coast and have hundreds of adventures.

Shamoo remains unconvinced.

Though while this film definitely stirred me up, got me wanting to venture out it also got me wondering: have I gotten too afraid? I mean, I'm not hermitting myself or anything, but I am a naturally cautious person  trapped in the body of a very curious person. These two things often conflict. And I know that in the past every time I've conquered a so-called "fear" of mine I have been completely elated with the resulting adventure so what's my deal? With so much to discover and explore in this world, there is no good reason that I should limit myself anymore than things beyond my control already have (i.e. wars, natural disasters/occurrences, finances, international relations, etc.)

The more I watched the film the more I wanted to do it. Or, not actually summit a mountain in Patagonia but you know what I mean. But more than that, I wanted to know that I could do it. I think a lot of my trepidation comes from my lack of confidence in my own abilities. And I am so good at convincing myself of this that I fear I've come to believe it.

And I hate it.

I want to know that I am able to do these things that I so admire. I want to do them and not be afraid. The Fear of the Unknown and I are so well acquainted that we should be filing for common law marriage at this point.

And I want a divorce.

So as with most things that are completely within our grasp but, you know, feel like they are not, I know that I have one solid option here. I can pray. I can fall asleep at night and thank God for all He has given me the way I always do and then pray for Him to help me face my perceived hurdles and get over some of the caution and embrace my curiosity.

I basically need to get back to the mindset I had when I was seven and just do something because I want to and not fear it because it hasn't occurred to me that I couldn't. When I was little I would have looked at  a hike and not thought about that fact that things might get uncomfortable or it might be hard... I would have seen the trail and just gone for it.

So... I'm going to try to be seven again.