weekly gratitude

It's coming up on my 27th birthday. 

In less than a month I can check another year off and honestly, I don't know how to feel about that. It's not that I'm excited or anxious - but not necessarily apathetic about it either. I'm just not sure. This has been a hard year. 2013 has been hard. 

Wonderful, but hard. 

Healing, but hard. 

Full of growth and hope, but hard so much of the time too.

And I just don't know how I feel about it. 


As with most things of the "whatthecrapIjustdon'tknow", throwing-your-hands-up-and-calling-it-a-day, "please pass the coffee and/or wine" ((depending on what kind of day you're having)) nature though, it got me thinking. 

It was my 25th birthday when I first started writing up my Weekly Gratitude. Is it just me or does 2011 seem impossibly long ago? Two years, gone in a flash. 

((I won't dally and tell you right now that after watching probably far too much Doctor Who lately, I'm appreciating time a lot more in a strange, BBC kind of way - cheers and may the TARDIS be with you))

But truly, when you're in a period of waiting, and trying so desperately to be still and trust God and waiting for Him to make a move, it's so dangerously easy to get yourself lost - lost in that waiting. And then when you look up and see the calendar pages have flipped far beyond what you thought possible in such a short amount of time, you're left in the last few weeks of a certain age with your head spinning on your shoulders like a damn dervish. 

A friend from college recently posted a thought that has stuck with me:

Being still and doing nothing are two very different things.

And how often do I confuse the two? How often do other people see me and mistake one for the other?

To be honest, half the time I think I'm doing one and find out ((perhaps too late)) that I am stuck completely in the cycle of the other.

Still, there are those rare times when I think I might actually have figured out how to just be still. Rare, fleeting, and oh-so-precious.

As are most of the better things in life.

In those moments I've been able to shut myself up long enough to stop talking at God, I can actually begin to listen to what He's trying to say to me. And even if people around me take a look at my life and think "nothing", there is that hope that knowing me well enough will allow them to see that it is a deliberate move of stillness. 



Knowing that what will come of all of this, in the end, is barely the edge of the flicker of what I could ever imagine myself. 

All that to say, I suppose, that today I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for this period of waiting and trusting and learning that my way is not the best way and that if I want to see my God do what I believe He is capable of, I'd best take my hands off the wheel for a while and let Him drive this thing. 

So I guess I actually am looking forward to 27... I just have to wait for it.


  1. Hi Weekly Gratitude, good to see you! 27 will be a great year for you, I know these things (kinda). The biggest thing is that you've grown, I've run into so many old friends recently and can't believe that they are 29 and still the same person they were at 22, 25, 27...and I think that is sad!

  2. I love that, "Being still and doing nothing are two very different things." SO true. I love your weekly gratitudes.