My mind is out of control.
It spins. It toils. A thousand things, all at once, and it's exhausting. It has not yet consumed me, my mind, but it's trying. It's trying to boil me down to nothing. This enemy of the Light is laying traps, hiding in shadows, waiting, waiting, waiting to pounce.
And God, when I start doing it, when I start overthinking, when my mind starts reeling in and around itself, and away from You, know, please know (you already know) that I don't want to want to think these things. I know that I don't have to because I know You and You know. You already know. And when You already know there is that part of me that trusts in that - trusts that You know my thoughts before I've even thought them. You've heard the deepest parts of my heart without me saying or thinking a word of it. Because You're already there.
So please, please bear with me. Know that even when I don't train my mind entirely on You, I want to be doing just that. And even when I don't, I want to want to. You know that. Of course You know that.
I know that I can stop worrying anytime I want to. Because the things that plague me, You've got them in the palm of Your hand. Your mighty hand. Your powerful hand that holds everything I've ever thought, ever worried. I do trust that hand. I do. Please know that. You know that. Of course you know that. I want desperately to want to believe that all the time. Especially when I'm scared.
I don't want to be scared. I was to stand tall, hold fast, and be still. And when I want to just curl up and be afraid, I want to want those other things. I want to trust that You've got this. I know that, but I want to believe that.
You know this. All of this. You already know it. You've known it since before I was even created.
And I can start to let myself really believe that.
I want to.
You know that.