weekly gratitude

thank you saltwater & sand for letting me stomp around barefoot in the sun

This week's post is a couple days late, but what schedule am I really on here? The universe will forgive me.

I've been home in California for the last five days spending a truly bittersweet long weekend with family. A couple weeks ago Blake informed me that he was going to visit my ("our") Mom and that I should come too (why yes favorite son, I would love to!). This actually made for perfect timing because for the last few months my grandmother's health had been declining even more rapidly than it had the last few years. But more than needing to be there for her, I knew I needed to be there for my mom who has been her primary caregiver for longer than anyone can believe.

In short, timing is everything and being home this weekend had me exactly where I needed to be...

Yesterday morning my grandmother passed away at 83. My mom and my uncle were both with her and  it was as peaceful and painless as any of us can hope to go. Strangely, it was not as sad as one might think - this was a long time coming and ultimately, the release her soul deserved after being essentially trapped for far too long. She is at peace, and now, finally, so is my mom. She can get a full night's sleep without worry of how she's going to find the strength to take care of her ailing mother for one more day.

This was not the end of my grandmother's life... It is the beginning of my mother's.

And so, there is much to be thankful for...

1. Thank you family. Thank you for being a family who can smile and share joy, even in sadness. Instead of mourning, we can celebrate a life that was and toast to the peace that can now settle over a generation. I love you all more than I can ever do justice to in mere words.

2. Thank you Blake. We were still at my mom's house when she called from my grandmother's to tell me the news and without a word, without being asked, there he was to wrap me up and be the shoulder (or chest rather) I needed to cry on. Thank you for letting me curl up in a little ball and take in the change that had just occurred in my life. It may not have been a glass of water and a fluffy pillow, but sometimes a Blake is just what you need.

3. Thank you Mom. Thank you for being amazing and strong and beautiful and YOU. We've all said it before and we'll undoubtedly keep saying it - we don't know how you do it. You have spent the last thirty years living a life that was not entirely yours and now that life you so deserve is not just within reach, it is YOURS.

On that note, I'll let Ayn Rand present the final thought here (though no, I've never read this book... This quote is just too wonderful)

‎"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Atlas Shrugged

-- And also a thank you to Brigette, Jared, Robin, Dean, Gary and Vince... All of you rallied (even if you were hundreds of miles away) and sent your love and prayers when we needed them most. Thank you. All of you. --